Thursday, July 31, 2014

Show don't tell Writing

For two days our class have been learning with Miss Smith how to show don't tell an emotion in our writing. We also learnt how to write in the third person that means you are not allowed to include yourself not even saying me, ahau, au, mine , me, my, us , we etc.  I think I done well by describing how they felt.  Next time i should make more of a cliff hanger.
If you can please comment to see what emotion the person is feeling. 

Here is my story ,  you can read and listen .

“Smash smash smash” went the thought against his head . “Stomp stomp stomp” went the veranda under his feet as he clopped like a horse to his room.  “Arghhhhhh” he shrieked as he threw his remote control car at the window with sweat running down his red cheeks “ what was he going to do to pay the damage...

Hope you Enjoy :)

Friday, July 25, 2014

The Black Witch

This Week we have been learning how to write narrative story's.  I put my story on because it is one of my best work pieces.  I think i did a great job writing but next time i need to learn how to structure my sentences.

Once upon a time there lived a little girl named Christy .  She had gold hair that glistened and swayed in the air as she ran.  On Christies 16th birthday her Mother asked her to go pick some apples for a apple crumble.  So Christie’s Mother handed her a basket to put the apples in.  Off she went .  Then suddenly a thought popped into her head “ have Mother and Father forgotten my birthday” hope not she sighed.  But her Mother and Father hadn’t, that’s why they sent her to go pick apples so they were able to prepare a surprise for her birthday.  At last she got to the green bloom that supplied her apples.  Away she went picking some then she decided she had enough.  But there was something her mother forgot to tell her” don’t pick the apples from the first tree because they have a spell on them and when you pick one you grow hungry” .  After a while Christie felt hungry so she ate one.  A few moments later her face bubbled and boiled and she turned into a horrific black witch . “Ahhhhh what’s happening to me” she screamed. She suddenly turned into a witch. “ I feel quite evil” she cackled “nobody can stop me from ruining the whole entire town. “Holy black witches, what was that” she shrieked as something that appeared to be a broom flew past her eyes.  “Well if it isn’t my very own broom” she laughed  and with that, off she went to the palace feeling quite bitter and spiteful because she was going to tell her parents that she was going to destroy the town if they didn’t do anything quicksmart.  The parents knew exactly who she was, why she was, and how she turned into such a hideous creature, so they came up with a plan because Christy’s mother had made the same mistake.  This was their plan; somehow they were going to trick her into getting buried alive because in 3 hours she would turn back to normal, but 2 people were not enough to capture Christy so they rang the police.  When the police came they asked where Christy was and they said “on top of the cafe roof”.  When they got there, there were smashed windows and on the top, there was Christy.  The police had a net in there car, Christy hadn’t seen them yet so they snuck up behind her and captured her, she started screaming . People were ordered to dig a hole at the beach quickly.  The police cuffed Christy and  took her into the police car to the place she was getting buried.  When they arrived the hole was dug so they took christy to the hole and pushed her in then buried her.  3 hours later everyone came back and there was the normal little Christy.  She ran and hugged her mum “ What happened to me Mama” Long story Christy” lets go home.

Liona and Mihi's Hurt Free advertisement

Our Inquiry Focus this Term was Mana Whenua. Our class decided we should do posters or ad's, Liona and I chose ad's. I think we done a Great Job on incorporating Good Values together.Next time we have to speak louder.Here is our video.

Our photographer was Hineataahua.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My Explode the Moment

This Week Room 17 have been learning to show not tell.  I think i done very well at doing this. Next time i need to remember my punctuation 
add detail to our writing to make it interesting to our reader

Success Criteria

- use descriptive details (use brainstorm above)

- starts with something that was said or thought

- use expressive vocabulary

- describe the event so the reader feels as though they are there

- use different sentence beginnings and types

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0 , “ready or not” here i come my sister  shouted.  My cousin Quilyn silently  said” i bet ya 50 bux she won’t find us” “ hush “ i whispered. We were in the burnt rotting haunted house up on the hill by Uncle Bens house, at that moment i heard creaky footsteps above where we were hiding which was under the broken floorboards.

My sister muttered to herself “dam” there not here either where could they be” and with that she walked away.  “Yes” i squeaked we are the bosses at this game,my cousin smiled her cheeky smile and said”told you she wouldn’t find us”.  Suddenly after about three hours my sister called out, “where are you” i told my cousin not to say anything .

Then we waited and heard a distant call so i decided we should hide somewhere else because i thought i could hear ghost.  I told my cousin and she said”nah bo”lets stay here.  I guess so i thought and then we heard my sister she was coming, each time getting nearer and nearer.

I mouthed to my cousin “ be as quiet as you can or she will find us “  “ok” she mouthed back.  The floorboards creaked splinters falling onto us but we didn’t care.  My sister was banging at the cupboards how i knew because there were loud bangs then i heard a wail and i instantly knew she gave up because she started wailing.  “Ok you win “but that was just a lure then i heard another person it was my other cousin Patrick he probably got found.  So Patrick and Te aroha teamed up and came into the haunted house.

We heard them say “ you check in the cupboards and i will check under the floorboards”. “Oh no i thought” we are going to get caught.  At last they found us . Then seconds later my aunt called “Dinner time”.  “Yipee” we chimed as we ran back.
As soon as my aunt saw us she said “what have you been up to”.  “Long story” we all said.