Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My Explode the Moment

This Week Room 17 have been learning to show not tell.  I think i done very well at doing this. Next time i need to remember my punctuation 
add detail to our writing to make it interesting to our reader

Success Criteria

- use descriptive details (use brainstorm above)

- starts with something that was said or thought

- use expressive vocabulary

- describe the event so the reader feels as though they are there

- use different sentence beginnings and types

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0 , “ready or not” here i come my sister  shouted.  My cousin Quilyn silently  said” i bet ya 50 bux she won’t find us” “ hush “ i whispered. We were in the burnt rotting haunted house up on the hill by Uncle Bens house, at that moment i heard creaky footsteps above where we were hiding which was under the broken floorboards.

My sister muttered to herself “dam” there not here either where could they be” and with that she walked away.  “Yes” i squeaked we are the bosses at this game,my cousin smiled her cheeky smile and said”told you she wouldn’t find us”.  Suddenly after about three hours my sister called out, “where are you” i told my cousin not to say anything .

Then we waited and heard a distant call so i decided we should hide somewhere else because i thought i could hear ghost.  I told my cousin and she said”nah bo”lets stay here.  I guess so i thought and then we heard my sister she was coming, each time getting nearer and nearer.

I mouthed to my cousin “ be as quiet as you can or she will find us “  “ok” she mouthed back.  The floorboards creaked splinters falling onto us but we didn’t care.  My sister was banging at the cupboards how i knew because there were loud bangs then i heard a wail and i instantly knew she gave up because she started wailing.  “Ok you win “but that was just a lure then i heard another person it was my other cousin Patrick he probably got found.  So Patrick and Te aroha teamed up and came into the haunted house.

We heard them say “ you check in the cupboards and i will check under the floorboards”. “Oh no i thought” we are going to get caught.  At last they found us . Then seconds later my aunt called “Dinner time”.  “Yipee” we chimed as we ran back.
As soon as my aunt saw us she said “what have you been up to”.  “Long story” we all said.

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