Thursday, July 31, 2014

Show don't tell Writing

For two days our class have been learning with Miss Smith how to show don't tell an emotion in our writing. We also learnt how to write in the third person that means you are not allowed to include yourself not even saying me, ahau, au, mine , me, my, us , we etc.  I think I done well by describing how they felt.  Next time i should make more of a cliff hanger.
If you can please comment to see what emotion the person is feeling. 

Here is my story ,  you can read and listen .


“Smash smash smash” went the thought against his head . “Stomp stomp stomp” went the veranda under his feet as he clopped like a horse to his room.  “Arghhhhhh” he shrieked as he threw his remote control car at the window with sweat running down his red cheeks “ what was he going to do to pay the damage...


Hope you Enjoy :)


3 comments:

  1. Mihi I love the way you have introduced this mahi, you have really made an effort to explain what we had to do and put it in a way that everyone who reads it can understand! Awesome expression in your audioboo and great sound effects. I have felt so mad that I wanted to throw something too! Great description of how that feels!!! Ka mau te wehi Mihi!

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  2. Kia ora Mihi. I think you character is feeling angry and frustrated. The descriptive language you have used reminds me of times when I have felt like this - I felt empathy for your character. Tu meke.
    from Mrs Morgan-French

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  3. Hi Mrs Morgan French, thankyou for commenting on my blog post. I would love to tell you the answer but others might comment. Once again thankyou.

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